How (not) to make a time machine

Let me take you on a journey through time, back to your youth, when things seemed ... magical.

Remember when summer holidays promised endless possibilities, when it was ok to believe in the tooth fairy, or when a cardboard box could be transformed into anything your imagination would allow.

Life was an adventure full of discoveries.

Back then I made a time machine (I will tell you how in a minute) that never worked. The difference between then and now ... well I knew it wouldn't work then, and I know it won't work now, the only difference was the "what if...".

What if it did work? I was just playing about and then, boom I've invented a time machine, I get hit by lightning and download the internet to my brain, and then I fly around on a luck dragon in a story that would never end.

But never ending story did end, I grew up, "what if..." has turned to – "no, that won't work, that's fantasy".

I miss that feeling that anything is possible... I always wanted a robot friend (or even a robot enemy) but I know now that it would have some sort of issues with the firmware, be clunky and uninteresting (much like my blog writing), and, well, it would be a pile a crap.

I still dream of multiple universes, aliens, and Kelly Kapowski (from Saved by the Bell) but I know that we won't find the other universe, aliens won't be discovered in my lifetime, and I've got more chance with Screech.

But who cares if the magic has died, I've still got my imagination ... and I get to share that with you every week.

Now – this is how I made my time machine (with help from my cousin)...

Ingredients: The time machine is powered by a 9 Volt battery (traditional power) and an amethyst crystal (hippy power). Two large speaker magnets create a magnetic field for polarisation. A digital clock (comes as standard) to tell you where and when you are (must have a date and time function). An old telephone to dial in your destination and call the time travel breakdown hotline. A bunch of wires.

Directions: Take working appliances apart, wire it all together, and watch in wonder as it does naff all.

So, your turn ... what would you make your time machine out of and where would you go? Leave comments below, on Facebook, or Twitter. I might even try to make it.

The Cabin in the Woods

April 2012 is officially Joss Whedon month ... 'Avengers Assemble' is out in the UK next week and 'The Cabin in the Woods' is out now (on which Whedon had writing duties).

Though I've been holding back my geekgasm for the Avengers, I went to see The Cabin in the Woods and prematurely geekjaculated.

I have always been a horror fan, it fascinates me, I don't know why... and if you like the horror genre (probably the 80's films more, and Buffy/Angel) then you will love The Cabin in the woods. It's not scary (you may jump in places) and the script has more holes than pinhead's face (Token 80s horror reference!) but it will satisfy your inner child till it grows fat and bursts all over the place, spilling sweets and gore all over your subconscious.

Ok, I'm waffling simply because I loved the film but I can't tell you anything about it without potentially ruining the experience for you. Go see the film now and avoid reading any spoilers!

P.S. I'm securing the name rights to the inevitable adult film parody .... The Sh*ggin' in the woods.

P.P.S. Smolemon sketches and doodles (among other things) are now on Instagram... Just follow @smolemon... This doodle has a loose reference to The Cabin in the Woods, therefore I can post it with this blog (give up? the reference is "WOODS", I told you it was loose!).

Crossover

Recently I had the chance to catch up on some Xbox games I wanted to play on release but never got around to.

First of all, I fought the Necromorphs in Dead Space 2 and when I finished that I jumped straight into the Animus for Assassins Creed Brotherhood.

If you haven't played these games...

Dead Space 2 - You play as Isaac Clarke, you stomp on mutated/possessed babies heads in space!

Assassins Creed Brotherhood - Bit more complicated ... you play as Desmond Miles, who gets in a machine (The Animus) and views the lives of his assassin ancestors to obtain skills (makes more sense in a game then it does in a sentence).

I didn't really have a break between the games and at one point, as I left the Animus (and the body of Desmond's ancestor, Ezio), for a split second I thought I would be Isaac. I was geared up to fight monsters but instead I checked my emails and found a box of feathers on a roof.

It disoriented me for a second, but then it got me thinking ... would that be so odd?

What if Isaac had to fight the necromorphs over a sweeping futuristic cityscape? What if Abstergo Industries had started the Unitologist movement? what if Isaac was an ancestor of Desmond, and could use the Animus to his advantage?

It may sound stupid but I know it would make millions.

Well Endowed